Posts Tagged ‘#WorstMovies’

WARNING! – The following blog post is not based on Professional Critic points but purely opinion based. If you are looking for movie-critics, this is the fucking wrong place.

Also, this list is based on movies that I have seen and does not include films I have yet to see.

Worst Movies of 2014 (Released till July 2014)

10#10 – Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

Now, before the internet explodes in a rage unlike any other – I have nothing but utmost respect for the great late Tom Clancy and work (books, games and movies).

However, everyone has his own personal taste and I don’t know what is with this story – but for me it was simply BORING. That is my problem with this movie, the only and most serious problem.  It’s just so fucking boring I wasn’t even paying attention to the dialog or plot!  I wanted it to end!






9#9 – The Invoking

I know, this movie technically counts as a 2013 movie but I did not know about till the DVD Premiere earlier this year, so to me this movie did not exist beforehand.

The only credit I give to this movie is for its low-budget and indie vision.  They did the best they could I guess and that is why it’s not much lower on this list.

However, I will be blunt: the movie is just shit. There is no suspense. The freaking poster is about the best thing – ouch.

Again – I know they did the max they could but it was not enough. Nothing surprised me or shocked me in this film, it just fucking sucked.  I hope that if they keep doing films – they better step up their game like a fuck ton a lot.



8#8 – Vampire Academy

Ah, another of those movies based on a book or book series for teen girls about Vampires!

Well, IT’S JUST FUCKING BULLSHIT! The only true fact about this movie is the tagline – THEY SUCK AT SCHOOL.

Yes, the movie sucks ass and balls and not in a good way. I don’t think the fans of the book/books enjoyed it. If they did then kudos to them.  The only good part is that they did not make these Vampires constipated, sparkling bitches.

However, as Vampires, they stink. The movie stinks, the whole thing stinks and I rather watch that other movie VAMP U or whatever the fuck it was:  at least it was stupidly funny.

This one is just a pile of junk, waiting to be tossed into the incinerator.


7#7 – Devil’s Due

Another garbage found footage film.

This genre has been killed off a long time ago by other shitty movies and this one is no fucking exception.

The only good part  – that fucking viral video with the devil baby scarring the shit out of pedestrians. Seriously, that is the only good thing this movie birthed – no pun intended.  Revealed as a commercial in the last 10 seconds!  Cut those 10 seconds out and keep it as a funny viral vid.

The rest is just pure crap.




6#6 – Rio 2

Did we need a sequel to the first part? It was nothing that spectacular. It was an OK flick ( way worse things and movies were out there during the first Rio movie).

Rio 2 –well, it’s a pointless and stupid product placement and rehash of stuff they probably had on the cutting floor and that is where they should have left it. It’s not even funny, and in a ton of scenes I think it just terrifies the kids (main target audience).

It started on an OK note, but then it kept going down and down minute after minute till it reached the bottomless abyss where it should remain!

There is nothing original in this movie, especially the premise. However, it’s not one of the worst product placement offenders on this list. We will get there!  (Note – Not even loved by kids!)



5#5 – Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

These movies are dead to me. The first one was done on a similar budget like the Invoking, however it made so much money in the cinemas so it was re-released. Credit for the first one that tried something new and it worked. After that, it just got worse and worse and worse.

For me by the 4th one it was over. Then I saw the poster – the statue of praying nun with a skull face – and thought:  – hmm, this might be different, they finally changed the theme of the cover!

Was it different? It was fucking terrible!  Not scary, every moment predictable.  When they took the guns out of the trunk in the end of the film like it’s nothing – FUCK – that moment killed the franchise completely.  And the twist at the end was just added to connect to the previous parts – somehow.

Please stop making these movies – the notion died a long time ago.



4#4 – Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery

FUCK ME! There are many things people enjoy in life. Funny classic cartoons?  Yes. You may enjoy other forms of entertainment.  Sometimes, – just sometimes I think to myself: how great it would be if they combined them and there are others around that think that too!

Well, this is the WRONG COMBINATION. Original Movie? (It’s written on the cover) –  THIS IS INFURIATING FUCKING CRAP.

If this was a Scooby mystery it would have been OK, but they added WWE and so much fucking SHAMELESS PROMOTION. Rio 2 was subtle compared to that.

FUCK – this movie made me so angry. People that wear T-shirts with logos of their companies or something to advertise themselves are MORE SUBTLE THAN THIS PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!

You guys fucking ruined Scooby-Doo so fucking hard that even the live-action movies shake their heads in fucking shame. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT BIRTHED THIS MONSTER!

3#3 – RoboCop

This movie is the worst remake anyone could ask for. It makes RoboCop 3 look like a Knight in shining armor that should rescue us from this filth.

The only good scene, the only ONE FUCKING GOOD SCENE IN THIS ABOMINATION is when they take RoboCop apart to show, what they did to him. A great emotional scene.


Watch the original movies if you want the real RoboCop. This one makes a pile of horse shit look amazing.



2#2 – The Quiet Ones

Worst. Horror. Attempt. EVER!

Unlike Invoking which did not have a budget or crew – this had so much and yet it fucking ruined it. The story was uninteresting, the movie appeared dull, and the characters annoyed me. Scary?  Far from that.

Worst offence though? THE FUCKING EDITING OF THE SOUND. The movie is so quiet it fucking hurts and then they flip the volume up to an 11 in moments when they want to scare you. NO, THAT DOES NOT WORK!  IT STARTLES A LITTLE AND THEN IT JUST ANNOYS THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE.

I can imagine this could have been something much better. But this fucking garbage needs to be avoided at all costs just like the other movies on this list.


1#1 – SX_TAPE

No, not the CAMERON DIAZ movie SEX TAPE. I have not seen it and won’t either since it’s just a big IPad Commercial and these types of comedies are not interesting to me.

I am talking about the horror movie SX_TAPE. Well, they tried to make a kinda found-footage film.

The result is a fucking disaster I did not even finish. I don’t know how it fucking got to me. Must have been a prank from someone who though it be a gift.

At – like 10 minutes – I started skipping forward to see if something interesting would happen and  – nope-  it’s just a horrible flick.  Up there with movies like DEAD GIRL etc. I can’t even finish them, I rather watch that WWE/Scooby-doo abomination – SERIOUSLY.

These kind of movies are someone’s perverted fantasy that they should have kept away, far, far away from people. This movie exists purely to satisfy some perverted dementia of people who should be locked away in dark places where the light don’t shine (not because the story sucked but because they made it into a movie – could have used the money to feed the hungry and homeless).

Ok, before I pop a vein or something I am going to end this post here and prepare another one, this time about some of the best movies released till now.

And yes – I know there are many horror movies in this list but I can tell you where to find better entertainment – RIGHT HERE and HERE!