Archive for August, 2014


WARNING! – The following blog post is not based on Professional Critic points but is purely opinion-based. If you are looking for movie-critics, this is the fucking wrong place.

Also, this list is based on movies that I have seen and does not include films I have yet to see – this includes Guardians of the Galaxy and a few others.

Let the fun begin!

BEST MOVIES OF 2014 (Released till July 2014)

 

10#10 – THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2

A ton of people seem to have issues with this movie, but I am here to set the record straight. This is a good and enjoyable movie. Sure, it has its flaws, but every movie does. While it deserves to be on this list, why isn’t it higher though?

The movie-audience ruined it for me and warning spoilers ahead (I doubt you can call them spoilers but anyway). The dumb-ass audience clapped like a fuck ton for some reason. The movie was going well, I finally got to see Electro in movie form which is something I wanted for years (the same was the case with The Lizard from the last movie) and the chemistry of the characters worked well. Can’t wait to see more of the Green Goblin but I am deviating from the topic. Nearing the end Spider-man writes on the Bridge a love message to Gwen, then they finally kiss (again) and the crowd goes wild. Literally they clap and whistle. Then we are fighting Electro – Gwen comes and helps – the people clap. Electro dies, the planes do not crash and the people clap. OK, it is getting a little annoying now.

Green Goblin comes and takes Gwen, Spider-man saves her: they clap. And here comes the stupidity of the crowd full circle – Gwen starts falling and Spider-man tries to save her, but she hits her head and dies. THE FUCKING PEOPLE CLAP because they thought he saved her! OH MY FUCKING GOD. The silence then was really awkward. When Spider-man cries and then comes the cut to the funeral, some dumb-ass kids clap again for a second and the crowd laughs. FUCK ME AND FUCK ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WATCHED THIS IN THE CINEMA WITH ME. YOU RUINED THE END OF THE MOVIE THIS WAY FOR ME! Oh, yes they clapped again at the end when Spidey saves the kid from Rhino.

Fucking stupid people but otherwise the movie is good; just make sure you don’t watch it with IDIOTS.

9(B) 9#9 – SPACE PIRATE CAPTAIN HARLOCK

        APPLESEED ALPHA

Both movies rock. I had to put them both into the list, so I joined the entry for them.  Now I know the new Captain Harlock film technically came out at the end of 2013 but not everywhere and I missed the news.

Appleseed Alpha was just released this summer and it’s an interesting movie. I believe it’s more of a prequel than a sequel to any of the other Appleseed movies, but it holds up great.

Captain Harlock is a re-imagining as far as I understand.

Regardless, you can enjoy both of these movies without even knowing any history or seeing any previous media connected to them. The stories are enjoyable, the Visual Effects (both are computer generated films) are great and they both take you on a great journey. Make sure you check out both of them.

8#8 – OPEN GRAVE

This movie caught me by surprise. I have seen a trailer in the cinema when I was watching another movie and I must say it just melded into my mind. I had to see it.

It’s a good movie. I read that some people were troubled, but well you can’t please everyone.

The movie takes you along with the actors for a ride; a dark and at times disturbing ride.  The only things that bothered me a little were the twist and the military at the end. The twist was not a surprise (I have seen and written too many stories already to be surprised by twists I guess) and the military was typical as seen a million times before.

Still, the movie feels special to me, and I want to dig deeper into the nature of the crisis and the people who were shown in it. All in all it’s a movie that fell below the radar, but should be checked out at least once.

 

7#7 – OCULUS

Another horror movie on this list (yes, I am a horror fanatic if you did not notice till now) and this is a good one. It’s not necessary a horror movie; a wider audience can and will enjoy it.

It has a unique way of a conveying the story: rather than tell or fill the story with a ton of exposition, it shows it more. Something I myself do in my work. The best thing about this movie though is that it literally digs itself into your mind and keeps you thinking about.

You will be choosing sides between the Sister and the Brother and you will be thinking whether it’s real or just in their heads. This movie will mess with you and you will have to deal with its impression long after it ends. Definitely one of the greater horror/dark films of the year.

 

 

 

6#6 – KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM

This movie is a jewel in itself. It does not matter if you enjoy LARP (Live Action Role Play) or not. From the start to finish this movie is a ton of fun and can be widely enjoyed. Yes, it may be a B-movie to many but that makes it even more enjoyable. You can see the people who made it and had fun doing it.

Don’t even get me started though on the music, holy shit this has some great music. Especially the Metal and I fucking loved the cameo from Brian Posehn (If you have no idea who that is you have missed out on life – really).

Yes, I have not forgotten all you Game of Thrones fans – Peter Dinklage is in the movie and that alone is enough for many to go and see it.

Knights of Badassdom is one of the more BADASS FUCK YEAH Movies of this year that many like me have waited a very fucking long time for. Enjoy it to the fullest!

 

5# 5 – 300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE

What can I say – Its 300! Zack Snyder is at it again. There is not much to add other than it looks fucking beautiful, its bloody as hell and its entertaining.

Is it better than the first? That is debatable. In any case it’s worth seeing: plus its’ more complex than a sequel. Parts of the movie take places before, some during and some after the first 300.

If 300 was not your ”thing” then this is not a movie for you – regardless of how much you enjoy Eva Green’s tities.

 

 

 

 

4#4 – TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION

Before you lose your bowels in extreme frenzy – I grew up on the original Transformers cartoon or rather on 3 and half episodes I had on a tape and watched them over and over and over again.

I just love giant robots duke it out. I never gave a shit about the human characters not even in the cartoon. To me it was all just battles and more battles and that is what I get from this movie franchise and this movie as well.

I don’t care what you think about me or my taste, but I enjoy the Transformer movies for just that thing, the rest of the movie is with me on a ride through explosions and robots.  That is all what I cared about and even got. The rest of the movie just flies me by and c’mon hearing Optimus Prime say the words like KILL towards humans was just mind-blowing.

Yes it’s another Michael Bay flick and it’s basically a rehashes Transformers again but that was the cartoon as well. Battle after battle and so on, this is not a movie to be looked at critically or if the acting holds or whatever. Turn of that brain and have fun.

If you enjoy the Transformers movies for the same reasons as I do then you will enjoy this one – if not then you will not. Everyone has a different taste and if you never liked these kind of movies well just stay away from it.

3#3 – CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

Yes, another awesome movie by Marvel. Marvel seems to rule these days and I do not mind at all – on the contrary GIVE ME MORE!

The movie is really entertaining and intriguing. It is shot, paced and acted out perfectly in my opinion and long enough to keep you going all the way. I had just one problem!  Watching it in 3D!  It made the brightness drop and some scenes just sucked ass. I didn’t enjoy it fully so that’s why it’s just number 3 on this list.

I will watch it again at home in normal 2D and enjoy it for what it is the way it is. All in all, this is a great and suspense filled movie. If you enjoy Marvel’s production, this is a movie for you. Trust me it fucking topped the first one a thousand fold.

Can’t wait to see Captain Rogers and the rest of the crew in Avengers 2.

 

2#2 – GODZILLA

Let me make one thing straight – I enjoyed the 1998 Godzilla. If you grew up in a time like me and that was the only Godzilla you could watch and knew about and never heard about the other ones – and I know other people like that, well you would love this movie too. But I digressed.

Godzilla 2014 is an awesome movie. From start to finish it’s just a thrilling ride. The visuals are beautiful the story is fun and the human characters are developed enough to know about their existence, that is their place. However nothing gets in the way of our main star GODZILLA. The other monsters created especially for this movie are freaking great as well. This movie is just fucking EYE CANDY for monster movie lovers. I know many people were pleased that this production returned back to its roots set by the original Godzilla movies.

Regardless of that, the movie is enjoyable, long as it should be and shot in a great way.  Like the typical old-school monster flicks it keeps teasing and teasing you with bits etc and the payoff at the end is awesome. I would not change anything about it and can’t wait for the DVD/Digital release (Yes, I am still that one person who does not use a Blu-Ray) GODZILLA 2 PLEASE COME SOON – YES, THEY ARE MAKING A SEQUEL.

 

1#1 – X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

You knew this was coming and yes for me so far this is the #1 movie of this year.  Remember, I mentioned in the beginning I did not see some of the new awesome flicks yet so don’t pop a vein or two in rage.

Even though I am a bigger fan of Godzilla than X-men, this movie is #1 for one simple reason: I DID NOT WANT THE FILM ENDED. Seriously this movie is so fucking great and entertaining. Not only visually attractive but has a fucking awesome story, shot perfectly. Seriously the only flaw (besides the short time with Quick Silver) was that it felt short.

If they added another hour I would have enjoyed it. The story grabs and holds you till the end and beyond and that is why I placed it as the #1 movie of this year for me – so far.

I‘m happy as many other people are that it literally restarted the X-men Franchise and now the old movies no longer count. Now they can basically start over and do crazy shit with it beyond the original movies. From all X-men movies this is so far the best. First class was great too but this one – just FUCK ME, WHY DID IT HAVE TO END?

I hope, that the DVD/Blu-Ray will come with a longer version and more stuff to enjoy.  Guess we all just have to wait till the X-Men: Apocalypse movie will come out. I know there are many of you out there that are waiting for this moment.

Let the X-men party NEVER END!

Enjoyed this list and movies? Do you like reading books too? The ones HERE and HERE will please you!

 

 

 

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WARNING! – The following blog post is not based on Professional Critic points but purely opinion based. If you are looking for movie-critics, this is the fucking wrong place.

Also, this list is based on movies that I have seen and does not include films I have yet to see.

Worst Movies of 2014 (Released till July 2014)

10#10 – Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

Now, before the internet explodes in a rage unlike any other – I have nothing but utmost respect for the great late Tom Clancy and work (books, games and movies).

However, everyone has his own personal taste and I don’t know what is with this story – but for me it was simply BORING. That is my problem with this movie, the only and most serious problem.  It’s just so fucking boring I wasn’t even paying attention to the dialog or plot!  I wanted it to end!

 

 

 

 

 

9#9 – The Invoking

I know, this movie technically counts as a 2013 movie but I did not know about till the DVD Premiere earlier this year, so to me this movie did not exist beforehand.

The only credit I give to this movie is for its low-budget and indie vision.  They did the best they could I guess and that is why it’s not much lower on this list.

However, I will be blunt: the movie is just shit. There is no suspense. The freaking poster is about the best thing – ouch.

Again – I know they did the max they could but it was not enough. Nothing surprised me or shocked me in this film, it just fucking sucked.  I hope that if they keep doing films – they better step up their game like a fuck ton a lot.

 

 

8#8 – Vampire Academy

Ah, another of those movies based on a book or book series for teen girls about Vampires!

Well, IT’S JUST FUCKING BULLSHIT! The only true fact about this movie is the tagline – THEY SUCK AT SCHOOL.

Yes, the movie sucks ass and balls and not in a good way. I don’t think the fans of the book/books enjoyed it. If they did then kudos to them.  The only good part is that they did not make these Vampires constipated, sparkling bitches.

However, as Vampires, they stink. The movie stinks, the whole thing stinks and I rather watch that other movie VAMP U or whatever the fuck it was:  at least it was stupidly funny.

This one is just a pile of junk, waiting to be tossed into the incinerator.

 

7#7 – Devil’s Due

Another garbage found footage film.

This genre has been killed off a long time ago by other shitty movies and this one is no fucking exception.

The only good part  – that fucking viral video with the devil baby scarring the shit out of pedestrians. Seriously, that is the only good thing this movie birthed – no pun intended.  Revealed as a commercial in the last 10 seconds!  Cut those 10 seconds out and keep it as a funny viral vid.

The rest is just pure crap.

 

 

 

6#6 – Rio 2

Did we need a sequel to the first part? It was nothing that spectacular. It was an OK flick ( way worse things and movies were out there during the first Rio movie).

Rio 2 –well, it’s a pointless and stupid product placement and rehash of stuff they probably had on the cutting floor and that is where they should have left it. It’s not even funny, and in a ton of scenes I think it just terrifies the kids (main target audience).

It started on an OK note, but then it kept going down and down minute after minute till it reached the bottomless abyss where it should remain!

There is nothing original in this movie, especially the premise. However, it’s not one of the worst product placement offenders on this list. We will get there!  (Note – Not even loved by kids!)

 

 

5#5 – Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

These movies are dead to me. The first one was done on a similar budget like the Invoking, however it made so much money in the cinemas so it was re-released. Credit for the first one that tried something new and it worked. After that, it just got worse and worse and worse.

For me by the 4th one it was over. Then I saw the poster – the statue of praying nun with a skull face – and thought:  – hmm, this might be different, they finally changed the theme of the cover!

Was it different? It was fucking terrible!  Not scary, every moment predictable.  When they took the guns out of the trunk in the end of the film like it’s nothing – FUCK – that moment killed the franchise completely.  And the twist at the end was just added to connect to the previous parts – somehow.

Please stop making these movies – the notion died a long time ago.

 

 

4#4 – Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery

FUCK ME! There are many things people enjoy in life. Funny classic cartoons?  Yes. You may enjoy other forms of entertainment.  Sometimes, – just sometimes I think to myself: how great it would be if they combined them and there are others around that think that too!

Well, this is the WRONG COMBINATION. Original Movie? (It’s written on the cover) –  THIS IS INFURIATING FUCKING CRAP.

If this was a Scooby mystery it would have been OK, but they added WWE and so much fucking SHAMELESS PROMOTION. Rio 2 was subtle compared to that.

FUCK – this movie made me so angry. People that wear T-shirts with logos of their companies or something to advertise themselves are MORE SUBTLE THAN THIS PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!

You guys fucking ruined Scooby-Doo so fucking hard that even the live-action movies shake their heads in fucking shame. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT BIRTHED THIS MONSTER!

3#3 – RoboCop

This movie is the worst remake anyone could ask for. It makes RoboCop 3 look like a Knight in shining armor that should rescue us from this filth.

The only good scene, the only ONE FUCKING GOOD SCENE IN THIS ABOMINATION is when they take RoboCop apart to show, what they did to him. A great emotional scene.

Other than that scene I just have to say: FUCK YOU WHO WROTE IT, FUCK YOU WHO PRODUCED IT, FUCK YOU WHO THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA, FUCK  PG-13 RATING AND FUCK THIS WHOLE MOVIE.

Watch the original movies if you want the real RoboCop. This one makes a pile of horse shit look amazing.

 

 

2#2 – The Quiet Ones

Worst. Horror. Attempt. EVER!

Unlike Invoking which did not have a budget or crew – this had so much and yet it fucking ruined it. The story was uninteresting, the movie appeared dull, and the characters annoyed me. Scary?  Far from that.

Worst offence though? THE FUCKING EDITING OF THE SOUND. The movie is so quiet it fucking hurts and then they flip the volume up to an 11 in moments when they want to scare you. NO, THAT DOES NOT WORK!  IT STARTLES A LITTLE AND THEN IT JUST ANNOYS THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE.

I can imagine this could have been something much better. But this fucking garbage needs to be avoided at all costs just like the other movies on this list.

 

1#1 – SX_TAPE

No, not the CAMERON DIAZ movie SEX TAPE. I have not seen it and won’t either since it’s just a big IPad Commercial and these types of comedies are not interesting to me.

I am talking about the horror movie SX_TAPE. Well, they tried to make a kinda found-footage film.

The result is a fucking disaster I did not even finish. I don’t know how it fucking got to me. Must have been a prank from someone who though it be a gift.

At – like 10 minutes – I started skipping forward to see if something interesting would happen and  – nope-  it’s just a horrible flick.  Up there with movies like DEAD GIRL etc. I can’t even finish them, I rather watch that WWE/Scooby-doo abomination – SERIOUSLY.

These kind of movies are someone’s perverted fantasy that they should have kept away, far, far away from people. This movie exists purely to satisfy some perverted dementia of people who should be locked away in dark places where the light don’t shine (not because the story sucked but because they made it into a movie – could have used the money to feed the hungry and homeless).

Ok, before I pop a vein or something I am going to end this post here and prepare another one, this time about some of the best movies released till now.

And yes – I know there are many horror movies in this list but I can tell you where to find better entertainment – RIGHT HERE and HERE!